I’m going to go insane.
I just can’t take this.
I saw the new Batman today, and the whole time I had this scenario play over and over and over in my head.
It starts with me asking Ria “If your dad shot me, would you testify against him for me?”, and then I call Ria and I tell her that I’m the park outside her house and she comes running and we hug each other for a long time until her dad comes out too with a gun. I yell at him to shoot me, and then I go on some rant about how it’d send him to jail, break Ria’s heart, and leave my family in a wreck as well. One of two things happens: either he shoots me, or we actually have a discussion where I tell him that all I want are two things: first, I want to be able to talk to Ria on the internet for at least an hour everyday in addition to at least saying Good morning/Good night; second, I want the ability to hang out with her at school. God, that is bugging me so much - that I’m going to have to walk into school, for my last year at high school, with the knowledge that I can’t even glance at the person I just want to hug as tight as I can until the bell rings. That scares me - I think that is what scares me the most. I just can’t bear that idea - it is at the top of the most frightening ideas I can imagine. How can I do that - know that I’m within 100 feet of her, and not be able to acknowledge her presence, not be able to rush up to her and cradle her in my arms, and tell her that everything is going to be okay. Stroke her hair, and tell her that I can’t think of a single better way to spend my time. Look into her big, bright shining eyes and tell her I love her. ow can I do that. How can you tell someone to go through that torment. How can you be so heartless as to inflict that torment upon your own daughter.
I just can’t take this anymore.